03 July, 2012

What you all consider the best, I consider mediocre.

me·di·o·cre [mee-dee-oh-ker]
1.of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate: The car gets only mediocre mileage, but it's fun to drive.
Synonyms: undistinguished, commonplace, pedestrian, everyday; run-of-the-mill. Antonyms: extraordinary, superior, uncommon, incomparable.

If you ever wonder sometimes about the way I do things, why I am so passionate about things, why I am either hot or cold, why I either really like you or really don't, this is why.
I do not have a mediocre bone in my body. It's 100% or 0% with me. Yes, it's hard, it's stressful, and it wears me out. Some days I wish I could be someone who gives less than 100% all the time to everything, but I'm not. If you are still my friend and you have put up with me this long, I love you for it. If you are my family and you have tolerated me this way all my life because you love me, thank you.
And if you are my friend or family, and I call you when I am down and need you, now you know why. It's because I have given every last bit I had to someone or something else and I need you to pick me back up. Love you all :)
And yes, I did write this myself. I only copied the definition from Dictionary.com and am more than happy to give them the credit they deserve.

25 June, 2012


I understand that things are not the way they used to be 10, 20 or 30 years ago when Moms stayed home, Dads worked, no one had student loans, other debt or a ton of other things we all know today.
I understand that sometimes Mom and Dad both work. And go to school. And try to do all the other things that Mom and Dad do. But sometimes, Mom and Dad have to do things for themselves as well.
This is where I get lost. What can I do for me that won't impact all of those around me? Nothing. OK, that's out of the way. So what can I do for me that will still make me happy and is tolerable for the rest of the people I live with? That is what I am still working on.
How can I be a great Mom, great wife, great housekeeper, and still keep myself happy? I am beginning to think it's impossible. Because every time I set a goal for myself, other things come up. Or things get too busy and what gets dropped off the list? Oh yeah, what I needed/wanted to do for me.
I went out of town this past weekend. Just myself. I went to a meetup in Chicago, then went on to Lasalle-Peru area to see a friend I have not seen in months. The whole time I am worrying that J is at home and needs me. Or is going to be mad when I get home because I was gone too long. It's no fun to watch the clock every single min you are gone. For me, that's why it's easier to just take the kids with; that way I don't have to worry that I am ruining someone else's day.
On to the topic at hand. I have not talked myself out of doing a triathlon this year. Actually, the further it gets into the year, the better the idea seems. The largest holdup I have about it is the fact that I need new shoes, and a bicycle and trailer for the kids. That means an initial outlay of probably around $1k. That is a LOT of $$ for something I don't know if I am going to love or hate right away. The other problem is the time commitment. I can take my kids to the Y every night after work, and then we don't' get home until after 8. That makes for a short night. J is in school at least 3 nights a week, and that will not be over for at least another year.
I felt so much better when I was working out three days a week. I was less cranky, less short with the kids and J, and I slept so much better. But now that I am working 5 days a week and SITTING all day, I need it worse than ever.
So how can I find time for me to work out, take care of everyone else and make everyone happy? Question of the century. When you figure it out, let me know.